There is something about B. I could tell by his pictures that I was really going to be into him. My instincts were correct, being around him brings on this magnetic charge that is such a yummy rush. Very drug like. This feeling makes it very hard to decipher how I really feel about him. It makes it hard to concentrate on what is being said when all I want to do is devour B. Before an App meet I don't usually engage in too much phone or text conversation. I think it's best to not get your hopes up or to have expectations. B and I had a lot of text banter and a few phone calls. I was very excited.... Broken rule #1.
We had a pretty good date other than he talked about himself a lot without asking about me in return. Men tend to do this with me because I have very large engaging eyes. Think Succubus. Halfway through our date he realized what was happening and corrected his behavior. I appreciate the awareness. It ended on a sweet note with only 2 red flags. 1. He can really put back some wine 2. He is 41 with a roommate. Broken rule #2 (adult men should not have roommates).
B spent the evening talking about our future dates and texting me all night, even going so far as to FB request me. Which I accepted. Broken rule #3. Don't rush into things before you know someone. Do you see a pattern here people?
Days later his excitement seemed to wane, I became a text buddy. B checked in periodically to say hey, but did not make any plans. Finally after a text one day I called him and told him I am not looking for a text friend. He listened, apologized and set up a date. Yay! Communication for the win.
I don't want to throw this man completely under the bus here. He is sexy, intelligent, soul searching and has an uncanny ability to take care of my needs before I even complete the thought. These qualities I very much like in a partner.
2nd date was better than the first. He was laser focused on me and all things me. My hormones and my head were pumped up with oxytocin and endorphins to the max. Can we say swoon? The night turned out to be really sexy and fun. We were both all smiles at the end of it. That weekend there was some texting. Then 4 days go by with radio silence. Now I am very understanding of being busy and life taking over. But B is showing me his pattern. I don't reach out or text unless I receive one first. I am not looking to be the pursuer. A man coming for you is going with his natural hunter instincts. And I want to be hunted. Feels feminine and sexy. As much as we don't want to admit there is game to this dating thing, there is.
Back to B, he texts. Asks my availability for the next week. Sure, I'll play. I write back and give him my schedule. Can you guess what's coming next? Nothing. Nothing comes next except my girl brain left feeling icky. A part of myself feeling like I could of avoided this if I stood by my original reservations. Was it the hormones that gave me dodo brain or something else. I have lived a long time choosing men that are not emotionally available. Men that i've chased and tried to lock in without them ever fully committing with their heart, time and actions. So was it really my girl hormones or was this a familiar feeling? Just because something feels like home does not mean it's good for you. I grew up not being able to express my emotions because my family was not in a place to receive them. I know that I tend to feel fire with men that remind me of this family dynamic, subconciently thinking I can go in and change the outcome. That this time I will make it work. When really the best thing I can do for myself would be to stand still, breathe and trust that there will be a new way to make it work. To change my pattern and create the safe, loving and open environment that the little girl in me really wants and deserves.
To date I have not heard from B again. I blocked him on FB. The hormones and familiar feeling have worn off and I feel like it's OK. Ok to go on 2 dates with a man you find attractive, go a little further than you normally would to see if it has staying power. I did not chase this person, my ego did not need to find out the WHY'S of him not contacting me again. I have no regrets.